"This call may be recorded for security purposes..."

Well, as of Christmas Eve there's one more person in the world who thinks I've lost it, and the funny thing is, I don't even care.  Maybe I HAVE lost it.

About a month ago, I received a bill for a credit card that I never use.  I wasn't about to pay the $79 annual fee for the privelege of buying stuff at 20+ percent interest, so I called immediately to cancel the card.  The woman that I spoke to transferred me to another department, where I was on hold for over an hour.  I kept that line open and called the original number on my cell phone to ask how long I should expect to hold or whether there was any other way to make this cancellation happen.  I was told to hold or call back.

Over the last month I've called back at least 5 times, and have been placed on hold for so long that eventually there was something pressing that required my attention and I had to hang up.  Then it went into the after-Christmas pile along with about a hundred other things.

So on Christmas Eve I received a recorded message stating that my payment was late.  One of the options was to "press 5 to speak to a customer service agent," so I decided to try again to close my account.  My call was answered by a nice lady named Summer, who asked me about 6 security questions and then was ready to help.

I told her about the problems I'd experienced trying to cancel my account and she told me that she was able to close the account for me - WOOHOO!  She would just have to process a payment first for the $118 that I owed (annual fee + late fee).  I told her 5 different ways that I was not going to pay either one, and that my attempts to close the account were documented so she just needed to close the account and be done with it.  She finally looked at the account activity and understood.  By then I was getting really frustrated and wishing I'd left this in the after-Christmas pile.

Then, the line that sent me over the edge..."I'm sorry Ms. G, but we're performing a system update right now and I'm unable to close your account.  You'll have to call back."

That's when a couple of tears leaked out and I started the silent cry of frustration.  It would have ended there if she didn't say, "Before we complete this call, I just need to update some records.  Can I please have your email address?"

Me:  sniff, sniff
Summer:  "I understand how you feel, so if you'll just give me your email address..."
Me:  "This is just so frustrating!"  sniff, sniff, sniff  "I mean, you're going to make me call back AGAIN?  And now you want my email address?"  sniff, sniff, boo-hoo
Summer:  "Well, it's just for security purposes..."
Me (having completely dissolved into the ugly-cry at this point):  boo-hoo, sniff, sniff  "WHY DO YOU NEED IT FOR SECURITY PURPOSES??"  sob, sniff  "YOU ALREADY ASKED ME SIX QUESTIONS FOR SECURITY PURPOSES!  WHY DO YOU NEED MY EMAIL ADDRESS?!  I'M JUST TRYING TO CLOSE THE ACCOUNT!"  sniff, sniff, sob, boo-hoo  "WHY WOULD YOU EVER EMAIL ME IF I DON'T HAVE AN ACCOUNT?!  I KNOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO DO YOUR JOB BUT I AM SO FRUSTRATED AND I'M NOT GOING TO CALL BACK FIVE MORE TIMES AND HOLD FOR AN HOUR EACH TIME!"  waaaaahhhhh  "AND I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU MY EMAIL ADDRESS!  I JUST WANT TO CLOSE THE ACCOUNT!"  sniff, sob, boo-hoo
Summer:  "OK, I'll close the account for you.  I apologize for the trouble."
Me:  sniff, sniff, waaaaaahhhh  "Thanks.  Merry Christmas." sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff

I know the credit card companies have tactics to avoid having you close an account, but doesn't it usually involve better interest rates and special balance transfer deals?  Is this their new tactic?  I wonder if the account has been closed, and how long it will take before the recording of the call goes viral.  At least when it does, you'll be able to say, "Hey!  That's Lori!  I used to know her before she went to the asylum.  So tragic."
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