Baby It's Cold Outside

So, I'm in Vermont, alone with 3 kids, 2 kittens, and the dog (who is currently staying at Sherry's house). It's 5 degrees outside and the highest temp I saw today was 7.  I spent the last hour and a half begging the kids to go to sleep because I just couldn't take one more minute of their bickering, whining, and singing. They finally passed out so I could eat my room-service burger in peace.

You may be asking yourself, "Why is she in Vermont alone?" I obviously wouldn't CHOOSE to go on a road trip without another adult (unless I went YaYa and drove off by myself).  During the trip up, every bathroom break for one kid involved waking and dressing the others and hauling them into the gas station because I couldn't leave them in the car alone. After I schlepped the kittens, kids, and bags into the hotel last night and the kids were half-dressed in their pjs, I realized that we left a critical bag in the car, so everyone had to get dressed, put all of their outerwear back on, and head back out to the car in the -15 windchill. Shopping for a few belated but necessary Christmas gifts yesterday included dragging Norah and Adlani around the mall, with Norah (dressed in an orange tutu) throwing herself on the floor in each store and screaming that she wanted a drink. I have been craving Starbucks for 3 days but the idea of getting everyone inside and then back out without spilling hot coffee on them while trying to avoid crazed after-Christmas shoppers in the parking lot is just too much to consider. And...I have to go in the pool. Ugh.

So yeah, being on duty long-term without a backup sucks.

It all started a few weeks before Christmas when I mentioned to Ben that Adlani had once again asked for a kitten for Christmas. Ben agreed in a moment of weakness that I could procure a kitten for Adlani, which turned into two kittens since the shelter said they needed each other for socialization. So I hunted down two kittens, went through the adoption process, and stocked up on kitten supplies. I had no idea that giving Adlani this gift would result in my solo trip to Vermont.

The weeks leading up to Christmas were totally insane for me, since the flu pushed everything out by two weeks. The only way I could cope was to focus on what absolutely had to be done on any given day. The Pathways brunch, getting everything organized for the final delivery, creating our annual photo books, getting packages in the mail, finishing the Christmas shopping, wrapping, decorating, cooking...it was one day at a time and extremely tiring and stressful. There were lots of things that didn't get done but I had to let them go. I'll try for perfection next year.

On Christmas Eve I spent the day cooking, and Ben spent the morning food shopping and the afternoon shopping for my gifts. Why did he wait until the very last second to shop for my gifts?  I can tell you that it was not because he had the flu. I took Aliya to church to see Hannah and Chloe in the Christmas pageant, and then we went to Brady and Monica's for dinner. When we came home everyone headed for bed and I still had 4-5 hours of work ahead of me.

When Ben came to me and said, "What can I do to help?" my heart was filled with joy. Instead of staying up until 2 a.m., I pictured myself heading for bed at the perfectly reasonable hour of midnight. Then Ben completed his sentence with, "...so I can get a ***," (starts with Q and rhymes with the word for a mark on one's neck left by a close personal friend).

Even after all these years (I should expect this by now), my jaw dropped and my eyes got teary.  I couldn't believe that the only way he would help was in return for services.  In retrospect, I could have easily taken 2 minutes out of my life for a little help with stuffing the stockings and getting the packages under the tree, but at that point it was all about the principle.  So there I was, everyone in bed, leaving me to make the magic happen.  Could I have made things easier for myself by defrosting a Sara Lee instead of making a coffee cake, and buying three of those big pre-filled mesh stockings at Target?  I guess I could have, but I am who I am.

If there's one thing Ben's good at, it's holding a grudge.  On Christmas day he showed up for the gift marathon, but took to his bed for the rest of the day, leaving his poor mother to hang out with a bunch of non-Arabic-speaking in-laws.  I spent most of the day in the kitchen, where thankfully my brother Josh was willing to be on mashed potato and gravy duty, and my niece Majda helped with the dishes.  Ben was tired from all of the last-minute holiday shopping from the day before, but did load the dishwasher when I passed out from exhaustion at about 7.

The day after Christmas was more relaxed; I spent the morning chilled out in the midst of the mess with my brother and SIL.  Early in the afternoon we went over to Brady and Monica's for a late lunch.  Ben had apparently had enough family togetherness so he stayed home.

The next morning we were due to leave for Vermont.  I spent the morning packing and preparing for the trip while Ben ranted that I had plenty of time to take care of the pets, but no time for him.  WTF?!  I didn't have time for him (or for cutting my toenails, balancing the checkbook, or cleaning the refrigerator), because it took me twice as long to do everything by myself.  Around mid-morning he decided that he *didn't feel like going to Vermont* (and that we still had to take all of the pets with us because he wasn't going to take care of them).

So here I am.  And you know what I've learned?  Single motherhood is not easy.  And a nanny with a driver's license who'd be willing to do some light housework is looking mighty good right now.
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"This call may be recorded for security purposes..."

Well, as of Christmas Eve there's one more person in the world who thinks I've lost it, and the funny thing is, I don't even care.  Maybe I HAVE lost it.

About a month ago, I received a bill for a credit card that I never use.  I wasn't about to pay the $79 annual fee for the privelege of buying stuff at 20+ percent interest, so I called immediately to cancel the card.  The woman that I spoke to transferred me to another department, where I was on hold for over an hour.  I kept that line open and called the original number on my cell phone to ask how long I should expect to hold or whether there was any other way to make this cancellation happen.  I was told to hold or call back.

Over the last month I've called back at least 5 times, and have been placed on hold for so long that eventually there was something pressing that required my attention and I had to hang up.  Then it went into the after-Christmas pile along with about a hundred other things.

So on Christmas Eve I received a recorded message stating that my payment was late.  One of the options was to "press 5 to speak to a customer service agent," so I decided to try again to close my account.  My call was answered by a nice lady named Summer, who asked me about 6 security questions and then was ready to help.

I told her about the problems I'd experienced trying to cancel my account and she told me that she was able to close the account for me - WOOHOO!  She would just have to process a payment first for the $118 that I owed (annual fee + late fee).  I told her 5 different ways that I was not going to pay either one, and that my attempts to close the account were documented so she just needed to close the account and be done with it.  She finally looked at the account activity and understood.  By then I was getting really frustrated and wishing I'd left this in the after-Christmas pile.

Then, the line that sent me over the edge..."I'm sorry Ms. G, but we're performing a system update right now and I'm unable to close your account.  You'll have to call back."

That's when a couple of tears leaked out and I started the silent cry of frustration.  It would have ended there if she didn't say, "Before we complete this call, I just need to update some records.  Can I please have your email address?"

Me:  sniff, sniff
Summer:  "I understand how you feel, so if you'll just give me your email address..."
Me:  "This is just so frustrating!"  sniff, sniff, sniff  "I mean, you're going to make me call back AGAIN?  And now you want my email address?"  sniff, sniff, boo-hoo
Summer:  "Well, it's just for security purposes..."
Me (having completely dissolved into the ugly-cry at this point):  boo-hoo, sniff, sniff  "WHY DO YOU NEED IT FOR SECURITY PURPOSES??"  sob, sniff  "YOU ALREADY ASKED ME SIX QUESTIONS FOR SECURITY PURPOSES!  WHY DO YOU NEED MY EMAIL ADDRESS?!  I'M JUST TRYING TO CLOSE THE ACCOUNT!"  sniff, sniff, sob, boo-hoo  "WHY WOULD YOU EVER EMAIL ME IF I DON'T HAVE AN ACCOUNT?!  I KNOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO DO YOUR JOB BUT I AM SO FRUSTRATED AND I'M NOT GOING TO CALL BACK FIVE MORE TIMES AND HOLD FOR AN HOUR EACH TIME!"  waaaaahhhhh  "AND I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU MY EMAIL ADDRESS!  I JUST WANT TO CLOSE THE ACCOUNT!"  sniff, sob, boo-hoo
Summer:  "OK, I'll close the account for you.  I apologize for the trouble."
Me:  sniff, sniff, waaaaaahhhh  "Thanks.  Merry Christmas." sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff

I know the credit card companies have tactics to avoid having you close an account, but doesn't it usually involve better interest rates and special balance transfer deals?  Is this their new tactic?  I wonder if the account has been closed, and how long it will take before the recording of the call goes viral.  At least when it does, you'll be able to say, "Hey!  That's Lori!  I used to know her before she went to the asylum.  So tragic."
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Where's Santa?

If you're wondering when Santa's due to arrive at your home, you can follow his progress on this website: www.noradsanta.org.

Hopefully there are no missiles or air attacks to distract NORAD from reporting on Santa's progress.

I hope Santa brings you everything you're hoping for.

"All I Want for Christmas is..."

A CAT?

Adlani has had a cat on every Christmas, birthday, and Easter list for the last year and a half.  We had two adult cats who weren't interested in the kids or the dog so they became "cellar dwellers" and died within the last couple of years.  We also had a visiting adult cat who would swat at anyone who came near.  Adlani tried so hard to make friends with all of them, and after accepting defeat he just continued to beg until I gave in.

Since the shelters don't let you adopt just one kitten (they apparently need another cat around for social development), we now have two new kitties.  We're still in negotiations on the names, because the current favorites are Lisa and Crazy Eyeball.  They're very cool and laid-back kitties, and they let the kids carry them all over the place.  The only problem so far is that Adlani wakes up at 5 a.m. to play with them!

We're RICH?!

Last night I came home from a long day of Christmas shopping (which was made more frantic by the impending snowstorm), and when I pulled into the driveway I saw that our Christmas lights were finally up.  I had them on my mental to-do list for yesterday since it would be much easier to put them up with no snow, so seeing them already up meant that I didn't have to spend any time in the cold or convince Ben that putting up Christmas lights at night was a good idea.

I came in the house and hugged Ben, who was sitting at the table with Adlani and Norah.  Adlani looked at me with a big excited smile on his face and yelled, "We're RICH?!"

I guess it was a fair question, since I would probably hug Ben if we won the lottery too, but I was curious about how a 5-year-old would make that connection.  When I asked him why he thought we were rich, he said that one time Aliya said that we won a million dollars and I said, "WOOHOO!"

So Unexpected Riches = Mommy Excited and Happy.

I guess that's pretty accurate.

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(Click cartoon to enlarge.)

Drunk 4 Year Old Steals Christmas Presents

If Adlani drank my beer and then left the house at 2 a.m., stole gifts from the neighbors' houses, put on the brown dress that was in one of the packages, and had to have his stomach pumped, I don't think I would be accepting media requests, but you can see the news report about this story here:  http://www.newschannel9.com/news/year-987196-old-christmas.html

It's heartbreaking that the kid's motive was to try to get in trouble so he would be taken to jail and be able to see his dad.  :-(

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. (WTVC-TV) - A 4-year-old boy, beer in hand, is accused of stealing Christmas presents from his neighbors. It's a strange story, but also a sad one. 

April Wright is 21 years old and is going through a divorce with her husband who is in jail.  She says she is not sure how her 4-year-old managed to get out of the house, open a beer, and steal the neighbors presents from under their tree.  Now she's just glad he's okay and says she won't let it happen again.

The child, Hayden Wright, was found around 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood.  In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl's dress and drinking a beer. The police report says the child had to be taken to the hospital to be treated for alcohol consumption.

April Wright said, "Biggest concern was him being out there, getting kidnapped, getting run over, the alcohol, having to have his stomach pumped."

Wright says she woke up that night at 1:45 am and panicked when she found Hayden was gone.  She says she put safety devices on all the doors so her kids couldn't get out, but Hayden was able to break the safety device off the doorknob and get outside.

Once out, Wright says her four year old followed his father's footsteps and was found on Blue Spruce Road, drinking. 

"He runs away trying to find his father," she said. "He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that's where his daddy is."

The Hamilton County Sheriff's Office report says Hayden rang the doorbell a few houses down and the neighbor answered, finding the child holding a partially consumeed 12-ounce beer. 

Wright said, "He got it out of my father's cooler in the back and how he got it open I don't understand because it was one of those tab beers."

But it doesn't stop there. The report said Hayden then snuck into a neighbor's house through an unlocked front door, and stole five wrapped Christmas gifts.  One was a girl's brown dress which Hayden was wearing when police found him. 

"Going to the neighbor's house and taking their presents, very embarrassing," said April.

She admits she was not just embarrassed, but scared, and rushed to the hospital that night with Hayden. She said she tries to be a good mother and loves her son, but now feels like a failure. 

"Kids do things like this and it's out of your control, you can do the best you can as a mother, everyone makes mistakes, it was an honest mistake," she said.

Wright did meet with child protective services today who told her she will get to keep custody of Hayden.

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Team Effort

I apologize for the lack of posts this week, but I've been madly organizing the mountain of gifts and stocking stuffers that arrived at my house last Sunday.  For the 5th straight year, my coworkers, family, and friends have supplied gifts for the local family shelter - 48 kids and their parents this year!  We had so many sponsors we were able to buy gifts for the kids who currently live at the shelter, AND all the kids who have moved to permanent housing within the last year.  We also provided some new household items for the shelter's rewards program.

To everyone who participated this year, THANK YOU!!!  I hope you'll join me again next year! 

Believe it or not, I'm going to bed at only 12:14 a.m.  I don't know how the elves do it.  I'm exhausted!!

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Funny Man

The problem with Adlani is that one of the things that makes him so cute and lovable - his sense of humor, gets him in big trouble in school.  I'm assuming that at some point he'll figure out when it's the right time to be funny and when to shut up, but right now he has no clue.  I feel like by laughing at his shenanigans we're setting him up to spend time in the principal's office but what else can we do?  I mean, it's his personality!  How can we tell him not to be funny?

In situations like this I think about what if someone told me that I had to change my personality.  For example, if I wish Ben would be more emotional, what if he told me to "Stop being so emotional!"  Or if I wanted him to socialize more and be more comfortable with people he doesn't know well, what if he asked me to "Stop socializing!  No more talking to people!"  Impossible!  So if I want Adlani to stop being such a comedian, that would be just as hard for him as if I ordered a shy and somber kid to "Be funnier!  Be more outgoing!"  Do you see what I'm saying?

So today, Adlani got in trouble in school (again).  He has been saying "poop" and "butt" a lot, this morning he waved his boots around on his hands, apparently in a classmate's face, and when a kid insulted him and wouldn't stop ("You're the worst kid in the whole school!"), Adlani grabbed him by the throat.  Oops.  I was really upset about it, so I sat him down to discuss it, and then I told him he couldn't go to the holiday party at the YMCA tonight.  Ben tried to get me to change my mind, and even questioned why the teacher hadn't waited until Monday to tell me so it wouldn't ruin Adlani's weekend (???), but I held my ground.

Ben took Norah to the party and I took Aliya to the Funseca's for Vic's birthday party.  Adlani had to stay in the car when I dropped Aliya off rather than going inside to see his friend Shane.  Then for the ultimate punishment, I took him Christmas shopping at Kohl's.  I told him that I was looking for pajamas for Grammy (my mother), and while I was looking at various options, I heard him say, with enthusiasm, "This would be perfect for Grammy!"  I glanced over and almost peed my pants.  The "pajamas" (I use the term loosely) that he selected for Grammy are pictured below.  He LOVED them!  He was obsessed with the sculpted cups and kept zooming in on my phone for a closer look after I took the picture.

Amusing?  Or inappropriate?  Maybe I'm the problem.

Happy Holidays!

We're not going to send out traditional holiday cards this year...one of my attempts at de-stressing the holiday season is to send "Happy 2010" greetings instead.  But I thought it would be fun to see the past holiday photos, and one of the photos from this year's trip to hell the portrait studio.

2001

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2002

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2003

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2004

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2005

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2006

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2007 (first photo attempt aborted)

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2007 (second attempt successful)

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2008 (breaking the red tradition)

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2009

My other blog is famous!

Check it out!!  www.schlage.com/social

Free Hugs

Here's another video that I love:



Here's his story:  http://www.freehugscampaign.org/.

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Leopard Seal

This is pretty cool: 

Breakfast with Santa

Last Saturday morning was one of our favorite events of the holiday season, breakfast with Santa. One of my customers puts on the breakfast each year, and it's a wonderful morning with great food, arts and crafts, and of course, a visit from the big guy.

This year marked a turning point for us; Aliya decided that she'd rather go to her ice skating lesson and her Girl Scout meeting for the critical vote on sashes vs. vests instead of the Santa breakfast. Kind of sad but I guess she's growing up.  (Quite a change from this: http://lockmommy.blogspot.com/2007/11/santa-claus-is-comin-to-town.html.)  Adlani is an old pro now, and Norah kept saying that she was not going to be afraid of Santa this year. She was pretty good but she needed a little encouragement when it was time to sit on Santa's lap (see below).

Now it really feels like the holiday season has begun...and I'm not nearly ready!!!

Holiday Season Kick-Off

The flu and the resulting fatigue hung on for more than a week, but I am finally back to normal with only a Kim Carnes voice to remind of my week in bed.  I thought I was fully recovered on Thursday so I went to a meeting, but on the way home I got a raging headache and was SO tired.  I got pulled over for speeding a couple of miles from home because I was in such a hurry to take some Motrin and get into bed.  I only got a warning luckily - I was going 44 in a 30 MPH zone.

Friday night I felt well enough to go to the Christmas tree lighting downtown.  There were a lot of fun activities for the kids and we saw a bunch of our friends so it was a great night.  It was my first outing with my new camera so here are a few photos of the festivities:

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I Sell Locks

For my entire career I've had a hard time explaining to people what I do for work.  It was especially tough when I was single, and I always longed for an instantly-recognizable job like nurse, teacher, or plumber, but I settled on the lines, "I sell doors," or "I sell locks," way back then.  If I tried to explain beyond that, eyes would glaze over and the chances of a second date were not good.

When I started dating Ben, I heard him on the phone telling his friend that I was a software engineer.  When I met my friend Karen I told her that I was a hardware consultant, and she said, "Really?!  I work for IBM!"  When Aliya was in preschool, she told her class that she wanted to be a "hard work insultant" when she grew up, like her mom.  I'm not even sure my mother knows what I do for a living, but I haven't asked if I can move back in with her, so she's ok with whatever I'm doing to pay the mortgage.

Since I started my other blog (here it is), more of my friends and family are starting to understand what I do.  And at this point in my life, I don't have as great a need for people to understand the specifics anyway.  If I really don't feel like explaining it and I know I'll never see the person again, I might even make something up.  If a potential customer (architect, facility manager, hardware supplier, or security consultant) asks me what I do, I just have to say that I'm a door hardware consultant and they get it.  Easy. 

Anyway, since I'm asked about my job less often, and care less whether people understand, today's conversation with my favorite Egyptian bagel-guy caught me by surprise:

EBG:  What do you do?

Me:  I sell locks.

EBG:  Really?  What brand?

Me:  Schlage.  (We have a bunch of other brands but I was being lazy.)

EBG:  The best brand is Acme.

Me:  Hmm...I've never heard of it (so it obviously sucks).

EBG:  Oh yeah, this is the best, right here (gesturing at something I can't see).

Me:  Where?  (trying to see the fabulous Acme lock he likes so much)

EBG:  Right here in the case.  This is the best lox there is.  But if I like yours better, I'll start buying it from you.

:-)

Cowboy Fantasy

Cowboy Motorist Helps Mass. Troopers Lasso 2 Cows

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. — When two Connecticut-bound cows escaped onto a busy Massachusetts highway, a cowboy stuck in the traffic jam came to the rescue. State police say the man, wearing a Western hat and boots, lassoed each of the 500-pound heifers who were wandering on Interstate 91 South in Springfield Tuesday morning.

Troopers shut down the highway for about 30 minutes as the man helped load the animals back into the trailer that was carrying them to nearby Enfield, Conn.

The cows had escaped into slow-moving traffic near Exit 8 after a latch opened on the trailer.

Police say the cowboy did not want to be publicly identified.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gLMfWAzv0Fs-xKEa2NXVovMe7tUgD9CAQ0Q82
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Pink Glove Dance

I LOVE THIS:

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Here's more about it: http://abcnews.go.com/WN/pink-glove-dance-youtube-video-spreads-breast-cancer/story?id=9210224

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"Buckle the Hell UP!!!"

No, I'm not proud of it, but yes, those words came out of my mouth this morning as I waited to leave the driveway for the 6 minutes it took the kids to buckle their seatbelts (while simultaneously screaming, whining, kicking, pinching, and smacking each other).

Six minutes doesn't seem like much time.  I have p*issed away thousands of 6-minute blocks in my lifetime.

But in my current life, 6 minutes can mean that I miss the drop-off line at preschool, have to park the car and drag 3 kids inside, sign in, and get them to the absolute farthest corner of the building without knocking down any preschoolers, help Norah get unpacked, get through the long goodbye, get the other two back out to the car using our walking feet, without falling down the stairs or stopping at the bathroom.

By the time we navigate through the minefield of all the friends and teachers, get back out to the car, and get 2 kids buckled again, we have usually missed the bus.  Which means that our next stop is Aliya and Adlani's school, where we SIT AND WAIT until the proper drop-off time.  I hate waiting.  When the buses start unloading, Aliya and Adlani run off and if I haven't volunteered for a PTO-related project during my wait, I am now free to go to work.

Some days I work at home, in which case arriving home from school at 9:15 instead of home from the bus stop at 8:35 is not the end of the world, although it is a pretty big block of time to blow.  Other days I'm headed for my office in Needham so I inch my way down 135 to arrive around 9:45 ("So glad you could make it.").  On less flexible days I have an appointment at a fancy place like Harvard, or the Museum of Fine Arts, so I start my journey to Boston/Cambridge 25 minutes late and from 15 minutes further away.

Today, I just had the flu.  No place to be but my bed.  But for some reason the flu has made me even less capable of handling life's little delays with any level of patience.  "I WANNA GO BACK TO BED, DAMMIT, SO BUCKLE THE HELL UP!!!"
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