I Sell Locks

For my entire career I've had a hard time explaining to people what I do for work.  It was especially tough when I was single, and I always longed for an instantly-recognizable job like nurse, teacher, or plumber, but I settled on the lines, "I sell doors," or "I sell locks," way back then.  If I tried to explain beyond that, eyes would glaze over and the chances of a second date were not good.

When I started dating Ben, I heard him on the phone telling his friend that I was a software engineer.  When I met my friend Karen I told her that I was a hardware consultant, and she said, "Really?!  I work for IBM!"  When Aliya was in preschool, she told her class that she wanted to be a "hard work insultant" when she grew up, like her mom.  I'm not even sure my mother knows what I do for a living, but I haven't asked if I can move back in with her, so she's ok with whatever I'm doing to pay the mortgage.

Since I started my other blog (here it is), more of my friends and family are starting to understand what I do.  And at this point in my life, I don't have as great a need for people to understand the specifics anyway.  If I really don't feel like explaining it and I know I'll never see the person again, I might even make something up.  If a potential customer (architect, facility manager, hardware supplier, or security consultant) asks me what I do, I just have to say that I'm a door hardware consultant and they get it.  Easy. 

Anyway, since I'm asked about my job less often, and care less whether people understand, today's conversation with my favorite Egyptian bagel-guy caught me by surprise:

EBG:  What do you do?

Me:  I sell locks.

EBG:  Really?  What brand?

Me:  Schlage.  (We have a bunch of other brands but I was being lazy.)

EBG:  The best brand is Acme.

Me:  Hmm...I've never heard of it (so it obviously sucks).

EBG:  Oh yeah, this is the best, right here (gesturing at something I can't see).

Me:  Where?  (trying to see the fabulous Acme lock he likes so much)

EBG:  Right here in the case.  This is the best lox there is.  But if I like yours better, I'll start buying it from you.

:-)