Saturday, April 5, 2008

Rated "M" for Mature Audiences

I like to help people and it makes me feel good when someone asks for my advice. Usually I'm asked for help finding things like a size-8 Indian maiden costume, a French Toast Casserole recipe, a swing-up grab bar, an infant constipation remedy, or most often, the answer to a building code question. Well, today I received a cry for help from a friend I'll call Wendy. [And Wendy, if you're reading this...don't be mad at me for sharing your story. Think of all the women you will help to avoid the pain and suffering you're currently experiencing.] You don't know Wendy, so forget about trying to figure out her identity. The email was entitled HELP!!! - all caps, 3 exclamation points.

Wendy: ok....little problem here....
my hoo hoo is on fire
I have a slight chemical burn on my hoo hoo. No, I'm not kidding. After a few glasses of pino last nite I decided to Nair myself and figured I didn't need to read the directions. It happened soooo fast. The next thing I knew I was on fire. Most of the hoo hoo looks great, except for the area that is seriously angry with me!!!
I don't know what to do. I sat around with an ice pack between my legs last nite, but this morning I'm fairly convinced it's a chemical burn.
Any suggestions....plllllleeeeeeaaasssse!!!!!


Me: I tried to call you but I can't find you. Try Cortizone-10 and soaking your ass in a bucket of cool water.

Wendy: Cortizone 10. Got it!!!
Are you sure it can be used "down there" ???


Me: I don't think it's recommended for *internal* use, but unless you douched with Nair it should be ok. This conversation strikes me as being blogworthy.

Wendy: i didn't "douche" with it....but there was some "drippage".....did i mention I had a couple glasses of wine prior to starting my grooming ?

Me: Were you alone during this procedure? What made you decide that it was time for a pubic renovation anyway?

Oddly enough, when I googled "Can Cortizone-10 be used in the genital area?" I was led to Cortizone-10's website and the following answer:

"Can Cortizone topical products be used in the genital area?
Yes, Cortizone topical products can be used by adults for external anal and genital itching. When practical, clean the affected area with mild soap and warm water and rinse thoroughly. Gently dry by patting or blotting with toilet tissue or a soft cloth before applying. Apply to affected area not more than 3-4 times daily. Do not use in the genital area if you have vaginal discharge. Consult a healthcare professional."

The website says Cortizone-10 is for itching but my primary source of information (the World Wide Web) states that it is the right product for your...um...issue. Not to worry...it will not cause further damage to your Va-J-J.
.

1 comment:

Karen said...

Ok..since you like this :) I need a styrophome wig head for 7th grade school project by tomorrow. It has to have facial features and I somehow need to find it locally in Framingham this evening. I cannot venture too far because I am a single parent tonight. Stop laughing.