Baby It's Cold Outside

So, I'm in Vermont, alone with 3 kids, 2 kittens, and the dog (who is currently staying at Sherry's house). It's 5 degrees outside and the highest temp I saw today was 7.  I spent the last hour and a half begging the kids to go to sleep because I just couldn't take one more minute of their bickering, whining, and singing. They finally passed out so I could eat my room-service burger in peace.

You may be asking yourself, "Why is she in Vermont alone?" I obviously wouldn't CHOOSE to go on a road trip without another adult (unless I went YaYa and drove off by myself).  During the trip up, every bathroom break for one kid involved waking and dressing the others and hauling them into the gas station because I couldn't leave them in the car alone. After I schlepped the kittens, kids, and bags into the hotel last night and the kids were half-dressed in their pjs, I realized that we left a critical bag in the car, so everyone had to get dressed, put all of their outerwear back on, and head back out to the car in the -15 windchill. Shopping for a few belated but necessary Christmas gifts yesterday included dragging Norah and Adlani around the mall, with Norah (dressed in an orange tutu) throwing herself on the floor in each store and screaming that she wanted a drink. I have been craving Starbucks for 3 days but the idea of getting everyone inside and then back out without spilling hot coffee on them while trying to avoid crazed after-Christmas shoppers in the parking lot is just too much to consider. And...I have to go in the pool. Ugh.

So yeah, being on duty long-term without a backup sucks.

It all started a few weeks before Christmas when I mentioned to Ben that Adlani had once again asked for a kitten for Christmas. Ben agreed in a moment of weakness that I could procure a kitten for Adlani, which turned into two kittens since the shelter said they needed each other for socialization. So I hunted down two kittens, went through the adoption process, and stocked up on kitten supplies. I had no idea that giving Adlani this gift would result in my solo trip to Vermont.

The weeks leading up to Christmas were totally insane for me, since the flu pushed everything out by two weeks. The only way I could cope was to focus on what absolutely had to be done on any given day. The Pathways brunch, getting everything organized for the final delivery, creating our annual photo books, getting packages in the mail, finishing the Christmas shopping, wrapping, decorating, cooking...it was one day at a time and extremely tiring and stressful. There were lots of things that didn't get done but I had to let them go. I'll try for perfection next year.

On Christmas Eve I spent the day cooking, and Ben spent the morning food shopping and the afternoon shopping for my gifts. Why did he wait until the very last second to shop for my gifts?  I can tell you that it was not because he had the flu. I took Aliya to church to see Hannah and Chloe in the Christmas pageant, and then we went to Brady and Monica's for dinner. When we came home everyone headed for bed and I still had 4-5 hours of work ahead of me.

When Ben came to me and said, "What can I do to help?" my heart was filled with joy. Instead of staying up until 2 a.m., I pictured myself heading for bed at the perfectly reasonable hour of midnight. Then Ben completed his sentence with, "...so I can get a ***," (starts with Q and rhymes with the word for a mark on one's neck left by a close personal friend).

Even after all these years (I should expect this by now), my jaw dropped and my eyes got teary.  I couldn't believe that the only way he would help was in return for services.  In retrospect, I could have easily taken 2 minutes out of my life for a little help with stuffing the stockings and getting the packages under the tree, but at that point it was all about the principle.  So there I was, everyone in bed, leaving me to make the magic happen.  Could I have made things easier for myself by defrosting a Sara Lee instead of making a coffee cake, and buying three of those big pre-filled mesh stockings at Target?  I guess I could have, but I am who I am.

If there's one thing Ben's good at, it's holding a grudge.  On Christmas day he showed up for the gift marathon, but took to his bed for the rest of the day, leaving his poor mother to hang out with a bunch of non-Arabic-speaking in-laws.  I spent most of the day in the kitchen, where thankfully my brother Josh was willing to be on mashed potato and gravy duty, and my niece Majda helped with the dishes.  Ben was tired from all of the last-minute holiday shopping from the day before, but did load the dishwasher when I passed out from exhaustion at about 7.

The day after Christmas was more relaxed; I spent the morning chilled out in the midst of the mess with my brother and SIL.  Early in the afternoon we went over to Brady and Monica's for a late lunch.  Ben had apparently had enough family togetherness so he stayed home.

The next morning we were due to leave for Vermont.  I spent the morning packing and preparing for the trip while Ben ranted that I had plenty of time to take care of the pets, but no time for him.  WTF?!  I didn't have time for him (or for cutting my toenails, balancing the checkbook, or cleaning the refrigerator), because it took me twice as long to do everything by myself.  Around mid-morning he decided that he *didn't feel like going to Vermont* (and that we still had to take all of the pets with us because he wasn't going to take care of them).

So here I am.  And you know what I've learned?  Single motherhood is not easy.  And a nanny with a driver's license who'd be willing to do some light housework is looking mighty good right now.
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"This call may be recorded for security purposes..."

Well, as of Christmas Eve there's one more person in the world who thinks I've lost it, and the funny thing is, I don't even care.  Maybe I HAVE lost it.

About a month ago, I received a bill for a credit card that I never use.  I wasn't about to pay the $79 annual fee for the privelege of buying stuff at 20+ percent interest, so I called immediately to cancel the card.  The woman that I spoke to transferred me to another department, where I was on hold for over an hour.  I kept that line open and called the original number on my cell phone to ask how long I should expect to hold or whether there was any other way to make this cancellation happen.  I was told to hold or call back.

Over the last month I've called back at least 5 times, and have been placed on hold for so long that eventually there was something pressing that required my attention and I had to hang up.  Then it went into the after-Christmas pile along with about a hundred other things.

So on Christmas Eve I received a recorded message stating that my payment was late.  One of the options was to "press 5 to speak to a customer service agent," so I decided to try again to close my account.  My call was answered by a nice lady named Summer, who asked me about 6 security questions and then was ready to help.

I told her about the problems I'd experienced trying to cancel my account and she told me that she was able to close the account for me - WOOHOO!  She would just have to process a payment first for the $118 that I owed (annual fee + late fee).  I told her 5 different ways that I was not going to pay either one, and that my attempts to close the account were documented so she just needed to close the account and be done with it.  She finally looked at the account activity and understood.  By then I was getting really frustrated and wishing I'd left this in the after-Christmas pile.

Then, the line that sent me over the edge..."I'm sorry Ms. G, but we're performing a system update right now and I'm unable to close your account.  You'll have to call back."

That's when a couple of tears leaked out and I started the silent cry of frustration.  It would have ended there if she didn't say, "Before we complete this call, I just need to update some records.  Can I please have your email address?"

Me:  sniff, sniff
Summer:  "I understand how you feel, so if you'll just give me your email address..."
Me:  "This is just so frustrating!"  sniff, sniff, sniff  "I mean, you're going to make me call back AGAIN?  And now you want my email address?"  sniff, sniff, boo-hoo
Summer:  "Well, it's just for security purposes..."
Me (having completely dissolved into the ugly-cry at this point):  boo-hoo, sniff, sniff  "WHY DO YOU NEED IT FOR SECURITY PURPOSES??"  sob, sniff  "YOU ALREADY ASKED ME SIX QUESTIONS FOR SECURITY PURPOSES!  WHY DO YOU NEED MY EMAIL ADDRESS?!  I'M JUST TRYING TO CLOSE THE ACCOUNT!"  sniff, sniff, sob, boo-hoo  "WHY WOULD YOU EVER EMAIL ME IF I DON'T HAVE AN ACCOUNT?!  I KNOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO DO YOUR JOB BUT I AM SO FRUSTRATED AND I'M NOT GOING TO CALL BACK FIVE MORE TIMES AND HOLD FOR AN HOUR EACH TIME!"  waaaaahhhhh  "AND I'M NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU MY EMAIL ADDRESS!  I JUST WANT TO CLOSE THE ACCOUNT!"  sniff, sob, boo-hoo
Summer:  "OK, I'll close the account for you.  I apologize for the trouble."
Me:  sniff, sniff, waaaaaahhhh  "Thanks.  Merry Christmas." sniff, sniff, sniff, sniff

I know the credit card companies have tactics to avoid having you close an account, but doesn't it usually involve better interest rates and special balance transfer deals?  Is this their new tactic?  I wonder if the account has been closed, and how long it will take before the recording of the call goes viral.  At least when it does, you'll be able to say, "Hey!  That's Lori!  I used to know her before she went to the asylum.  So tragic."
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Where's Santa?

If you're wondering when Santa's due to arrive at your home, you can follow his progress on this website: www.noradsanta.org.

Hopefully there are no missiles or air attacks to distract NORAD from reporting on Santa's progress.

I hope Santa brings you everything you're hoping for.

"All I Want for Christmas is..."

A CAT?

Adlani has had a cat on every Christmas, birthday, and Easter list for the last year and a half.  We had two adult cats who weren't interested in the kids or the dog so they became "cellar dwellers" and died within the last couple of years.  We also had a visiting adult cat who would swat at anyone who came near.  Adlani tried so hard to make friends with all of them, and after accepting defeat he just continued to beg until I gave in.

Since the shelters don't let you adopt just one kitten (they apparently need another cat around for social development), we now have two new kitties.  We're still in negotiations on the names, because the current favorites are Lisa and Crazy Eyeball.  They're very cool and laid-back kitties, and they let the kids carry them all over the place.  The only problem so far is that Adlani wakes up at 5 a.m. to play with them!

We're RICH?!

Last night I came home from a long day of Christmas shopping (which was made more frantic by the impending snowstorm), and when I pulled into the driveway I saw that our Christmas lights were finally up.  I had them on my mental to-do list for yesterday since it would be much easier to put them up with no snow, so seeing them already up meant that I didn't have to spend any time in the cold or convince Ben that putting up Christmas lights at night was a good idea.

I came in the house and hugged Ben, who was sitting at the table with Adlani and Norah.  Adlani looked at me with a big excited smile on his face and yelled, "We're RICH?!"

I guess it was a fair question, since I would probably hug Ben if we won the lottery too, but I was curious about how a 5-year-old would make that connection.  When I asked him why he thought we were rich, he said that one time Aliya said that we won a million dollars and I said, "WOOHOO!"

So Unexpected Riches = Mommy Excited and Happy.

I guess that's pretty accurate.

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(Click cartoon to enlarge.)

Drunk 4 Year Old Steals Christmas Presents

If Adlani drank my beer and then left the house at 2 a.m., stole gifts from the neighbors' houses, put on the brown dress that was in one of the packages, and had to have his stomach pumped, I don't think I would be accepting media requests, but you can see the news report about this story here:  http://www.newschannel9.com/news/year-987196-old-christmas.html

It's heartbreaking that the kid's motive was to try to get in trouble so he would be taken to jail and be able to see his dad.  :-(

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. (WTVC-TV) - A 4-year-old boy, beer in hand, is accused of stealing Christmas presents from his neighbors. It's a strange story, but also a sad one. 

April Wright is 21 years old and is going through a divorce with her husband who is in jail.  She says she is not sure how her 4-year-old managed to get out of the house, open a beer, and steal the neighbors presents from under their tree.  Now she's just glad he's okay and says she won't let it happen again.

The child, Hayden Wright, was found around 1:45 am Tuesday, wandering the streets of his neighborhood.  In a police reports, officers said he was wearing a little girl's dress and drinking a beer. The police report says the child had to be taken to the hospital to be treated for alcohol consumption.

April Wright said, "Biggest concern was him being out there, getting kidnapped, getting run over, the alcohol, having to have his stomach pumped."

Wright says she woke up that night at 1:45 am and panicked when she found Hayden was gone.  She says she put safety devices on all the doors so her kids couldn't get out, but Hayden was able to break the safety device off the doorknob and get outside.

Once out, Wright says her four year old followed his father's footsteps and was found on Blue Spruce Road, drinking. 

"He runs away trying to find his father," she said. "He wants to get in trouble so he can go to jail because that's where his daddy is."

The Hamilton County Sheriff's Office report says Hayden rang the doorbell a few houses down and the neighbor answered, finding the child holding a partially consumeed 12-ounce beer. 

Wright said, "He got it out of my father's cooler in the back and how he got it open I don't understand because it was one of those tab beers."

But it doesn't stop there. The report said Hayden then snuck into a neighbor's house through an unlocked front door, and stole five wrapped Christmas gifts.  One was a girl's brown dress which Hayden was wearing when police found him. 

"Going to the neighbor's house and taking their presents, very embarrassing," said April.

She admits she was not just embarrassed, but scared, and rushed to the hospital that night with Hayden. She said she tries to be a good mother and loves her son, but now feels like a failure. 

"Kids do things like this and it's out of your control, you can do the best you can as a mother, everyone makes mistakes, it was an honest mistake," she said.

Wright did meet with child protective services today who told her she will get to keep custody of Hayden.

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Team Effort

I apologize for the lack of posts this week, but I've been madly organizing the mountain of gifts and stocking stuffers that arrived at my house last Sunday.  For the 5th straight year, my coworkers, family, and friends have supplied gifts for the local family shelter - 48 kids and their parents this year!  We had so many sponsors we were able to buy gifts for the kids who currently live at the shelter, AND all the kids who have moved to permanent housing within the last year.  We also provided some new household items for the shelter's rewards program.

To everyone who participated this year, THANK YOU!!!  I hope you'll join me again next year! 

Believe it or not, I'm going to bed at only 12:14 a.m.  I don't know how the elves do it.  I'm exhausted!!

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Funny Man

The problem with Adlani is that one of the things that makes him so cute and lovable - his sense of humor, gets him in big trouble in school.  I'm assuming that at some point he'll figure out when it's the right time to be funny and when to shut up, but right now he has no clue.  I feel like by laughing at his shenanigans we're setting him up to spend time in the principal's office but what else can we do?  I mean, it's his personality!  How can we tell him not to be funny?

In situations like this I think about what if someone told me that I had to change my personality.  For example, if I wish Ben would be more emotional, what if he told me to "Stop being so emotional!"  Or if I wanted him to socialize more and be more comfortable with people he doesn't know well, what if he asked me to "Stop socializing!  No more talking to people!"  Impossible!  So if I want Adlani to stop being such a comedian, that would be just as hard for him as if I ordered a shy and somber kid to "Be funnier!  Be more outgoing!"  Do you see what I'm saying?

So today, Adlani got in trouble in school (again).  He has been saying "poop" and "butt" a lot, this morning he waved his boots around on his hands, apparently in a classmate's face, and when a kid insulted him and wouldn't stop ("You're the worst kid in the whole school!"), Adlani grabbed him by the throat.  Oops.  I was really upset about it, so I sat him down to discuss it, and then I told him he couldn't go to the holiday party at the YMCA tonight.  Ben tried to get me to change my mind, and even questioned why the teacher hadn't waited until Monday to tell me so it wouldn't ruin Adlani's weekend (???), but I held my ground.

Ben took Norah to the party and I took Aliya to the Funseca's for Vic's birthday party.  Adlani had to stay in the car when I dropped Aliya off rather than going inside to see his friend Shane.  Then for the ultimate punishment, I took him Christmas shopping at Kohl's.  I told him that I was looking for pajamas for Grammy (my mother), and while I was looking at various options, I heard him say, with enthusiasm, "This would be perfect for Grammy!"  I glanced over and almost peed my pants.  The "pajamas" (I use the term loosely) that he selected for Grammy are pictured below.  He LOVED them!  He was obsessed with the sculpted cups and kept zooming in on my phone for a closer look after I took the picture.

Amusing?  Or inappropriate?  Maybe I'm the problem.

Happy Holidays!

We're not going to send out traditional holiday cards this year...one of my attempts at de-stressing the holiday season is to send "Happy 2010" greetings instead.  But I thought it would be fun to see the past holiday photos, and one of the photos from this year's trip to hell the portrait studio.

2001

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2002

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2003

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2004

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2005

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2006

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2007 (first photo attempt aborted)

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2007 (second attempt successful)

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2008 (breaking the red tradition)

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2009

My other blog is famous!

Check it out!!  www.schlage.com/social

Free Hugs

Here's another video that I love:



Here's his story:  http://www.freehugscampaign.org/.

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Leopard Seal

This is pretty cool: 

Breakfast with Santa

Last Saturday morning was one of our favorite events of the holiday season, breakfast with Santa. One of my customers puts on the breakfast each year, and it's a wonderful morning with great food, arts and crafts, and of course, a visit from the big guy.

This year marked a turning point for us; Aliya decided that she'd rather go to her ice skating lesson and her Girl Scout meeting for the critical vote on sashes vs. vests instead of the Santa breakfast. Kind of sad but I guess she's growing up.  (Quite a change from this: http://lockmommy.blogspot.com/2007/11/santa-claus-is-comin-to-town.html.)  Adlani is an old pro now, and Norah kept saying that she was not going to be afraid of Santa this year. She was pretty good but she needed a little encouragement when it was time to sit on Santa's lap (see below).

Now it really feels like the holiday season has begun...and I'm not nearly ready!!!

Holiday Season Kick-Off

The flu and the resulting fatigue hung on for more than a week, but I am finally back to normal with only a Kim Carnes voice to remind of my week in bed.  I thought I was fully recovered on Thursday so I went to a meeting, but on the way home I got a raging headache and was SO tired.  I got pulled over for speeding a couple of miles from home because I was in such a hurry to take some Motrin and get into bed.  I only got a warning luckily - I was going 44 in a 30 MPH zone.

Friday night I felt well enough to go to the Christmas tree lighting downtown.  There were a lot of fun activities for the kids and we saw a bunch of our friends so it was a great night.  It was my first outing with my new camera so here are a few photos of the festivities:

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I Sell Locks

For my entire career I've had a hard time explaining to people what I do for work.  It was especially tough when I was single, and I always longed for an instantly-recognizable job like nurse, teacher, or plumber, but I settled on the lines, "I sell doors," or "I sell locks," way back then.  If I tried to explain beyond that, eyes would glaze over and the chances of a second date were not good.

When I started dating Ben, I heard him on the phone telling his friend that I was a software engineer.  When I met my friend Karen I told her that I was a hardware consultant, and she said, "Really?!  I work for IBM!"  When Aliya was in preschool, she told her class that she wanted to be a "hard work insultant" when she grew up, like her mom.  I'm not even sure my mother knows what I do for a living, but I haven't asked if I can move back in with her, so she's ok with whatever I'm doing to pay the mortgage.

Since I started my other blog (here it is), more of my friends and family are starting to understand what I do.  And at this point in my life, I don't have as great a need for people to understand the specifics anyway.  If I really don't feel like explaining it and I know I'll never see the person again, I might even make something up.  If a potential customer (architect, facility manager, hardware supplier, or security consultant) asks me what I do, I just have to say that I'm a door hardware consultant and they get it.  Easy. 

Anyway, since I'm asked about my job less often, and care less whether people understand, today's conversation with my favorite Egyptian bagel-guy caught me by surprise:

EBG:  What do you do?

Me:  I sell locks.

EBG:  Really?  What brand?

Me:  Schlage.  (We have a bunch of other brands but I was being lazy.)

EBG:  The best brand is Acme.

Me:  Hmm...I've never heard of it (so it obviously sucks).

EBG:  Oh yeah, this is the best, right here (gesturing at something I can't see).

Me:  Where?  (trying to see the fabulous Acme lock he likes so much)

EBG:  Right here in the case.  This is the best lox there is.  But if I like yours better, I'll start buying it from you.

:-)

Cowboy Fantasy

Cowboy Motorist Helps Mass. Troopers Lasso 2 Cows

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. — When two Connecticut-bound cows escaped onto a busy Massachusetts highway, a cowboy stuck in the traffic jam came to the rescue. State police say the man, wearing a Western hat and boots, lassoed each of the 500-pound heifers who were wandering on Interstate 91 South in Springfield Tuesday morning.

Troopers shut down the highway for about 30 minutes as the man helped load the animals back into the trailer that was carrying them to nearby Enfield, Conn.

The cows had escaped into slow-moving traffic near Exit 8 after a latch opened on the trailer.

Police say the cowboy did not want to be publicly identified.

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5gLMfWAzv0Fs-xKEa2NXVovMe7tUgD9CAQ0Q82
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Pink Glove Dance

I LOVE THIS:

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Here's more about it: http://abcnews.go.com/WN/pink-glove-dance-youtube-video-spreads-breast-cancer/story?id=9210224

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"Buckle the Hell UP!!!"

No, I'm not proud of it, but yes, those words came out of my mouth this morning as I waited to leave the driveway for the 6 minutes it took the kids to buckle their seatbelts (while simultaneously screaming, whining, kicking, pinching, and smacking each other).

Six minutes doesn't seem like much time.  I have p*issed away thousands of 6-minute blocks in my lifetime.

But in my current life, 6 minutes can mean that I miss the drop-off line at preschool, have to park the car and drag 3 kids inside, sign in, and get them to the absolute farthest corner of the building without knocking down any preschoolers, help Norah get unpacked, get through the long goodbye, get the other two back out to the car using our walking feet, without falling down the stairs or stopping at the bathroom.

By the time we navigate through the minefield of all the friends and teachers, get back out to the car, and get 2 kids buckled again, we have usually missed the bus.  Which means that our next stop is Aliya and Adlani's school, where we SIT AND WAIT until the proper drop-off time.  I hate waiting.  When the buses start unloading, Aliya and Adlani run off and if I haven't volunteered for a PTO-related project during my wait, I am now free to go to work.

Some days I work at home, in which case arriving home from school at 9:15 instead of home from the bus stop at 8:35 is not the end of the world, although it is a pretty big block of time to blow.  Other days I'm headed for my office in Needham so I inch my way down 135 to arrive around 9:45 ("So glad you could make it.").  On less flexible days I have an appointment at a fancy place like Harvard, or the Museum of Fine Arts, so I start my journey to Boston/Cambridge 25 minutes late and from 15 minutes further away.

Today, I just had the flu.  No place to be but my bed.  But for some reason the flu has made me even less capable of handling life's little delays with any level of patience.  "I WANNA GO BACK TO BED, DAMMIT, SO BUCKLE THE HELL UP!!!"
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Swine Flu and Hulu

This is a clip straight out of my life (Thanks Johnny!):



But it jives perfectly with the topic(s) of this post. I woke up this morning feeling much better but I think I may have overestimated my level of recovery. As good as it felt to be up and outside in the fresh air, I felt a little woozy, and ended up taking a long nap this afternoon. I woke up with my throat on fire again and feeling a little flushed. What's my temp? I wish I knew.

I am a HUGE fan of order. I REALLY like to know where certain things are. I used to know where each and every thing I owned was (no lie), but I had to loosen my grip when Ben entered my life. As each kid came along it got looser until now I'm pretty happy if I know the location of my keys, wallet, computer, camera, phone, daily prescription medication (no, it's not Prozac), toothbrush, my personal multi-tool set (inscribed, "Seriously, Do Not Touch.") and the thermometer. Everything else I can pretty much work around, but I need to know where those things are. It's scary how often those items go missing and how much time I spend looking for them.

Predictably, now that I feel flushed and Norah's cheeks are pink and she's complaining of being cold, the thermometer is gone. We've looked everywhere and Ben is headed to Target to buy a new one and stock up on Children's Motrin. I hate re-buying something I already own!!! Whatever. I'm over it.  That's a tip though...Motrin helps a lot with the flu symptoms. 

So on to the other topic of this post - Hulu.com. I heard about it a while back but I have been so overloaded with STUFF TO DO that I have not watched ANY TV for months. NONE. Now that I'm beyond the worst part of the flu but still prone to spending hours in bed, Johnny's clip reminded me to go check it out. I've been catching up on all of my favorite shows and I now realize how much I missed my old friends from Seattle Grace and Wisteria Lane.

And today I found a new ABC show on Hulu that's right up my alley since I like to sob through entire TV shows - Find My Family.  You can watch the first episode here (get the tissues):  http://www.hulu.com/find-my-family.  I think the "family tree" on the majestic hillside is a little hokey, but I'm a sucker for reunions so I can look past the tree.      

If you haven't had enough swine flu information yet, here's a personal account that's very accurate:  http://hubpages.com/hub/H1N1-Swine-Flu---a-personal-account.

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I've Been Swined

At least, that's what I'm assuming has kept me in bed for the last 4 days.  I started with a slight sore throat on Tuesday, and I took some Airborne to try to knock it out before it turned into something.  Wednesday I still had the sore throat and I had to lay down in the afternoon.  I thought the fatigue was a result of the morning's session at Portrait Simple, but apparently not.  Ben went all the way to Newton to get me some Pho, which is so delicious and also good for cold/flu symptoms, but it didn't work its magic this time.  That night I had an extremely sore throat, a slight fever, a bad headache and backache, and post nasal drip which kept me up all night.  I never have trouble sleeping but I swear I didn't sleep for more than a few minutes at a stretch.   

Thank God we weren't hosting Thanksgiving this year, so I just had to give Ben instructions on making rum cake and send everyone over to Lana and Larry's for the afternoon.  I'm really disappointed that I missed it, but at the time I was just very relieved to have a few hours of quiet.  Throughout my illness, it seemed like every time I got comfortable or fell asleep, someone would burst in with an emergency like "ADLANI ATE THE LAST DONUT!" or "I CAN'T FIND THE HEAD OF MY LEGO POWER MINER!"  Lana sent home a giant platter of food for me but I could only get some tomato soup down.  I don't remember ever having such a sore throat in my life.

Friday was supposed to begin my 3-day weekend of painting, but that didn't happen.  I don't even remember Friday, honestly.  By the end of the day I was able to take a shower and watch all of the episodes of the Amazing Race online, but that's about all I could handle.  I think I ate some ice cream.   

Today I am much better - just a bit of a sore throat and headache.  Ben made me a smoothee for breakfast and I was able to do some Christmas shopping online.  I'm really bummed that I will miss a Girls' Night Out tonight, but I'm not back to 100% and I don't want to infect anyone.

I've got my fingers crossed that the kids don't get it because IT SUCKS!  On the bright side, 4 days of not using my arm has really helped with my shoulder pain, and I think I lost a few pounds.  yay.     

What Next?

I think I need to go back on bus duty so the bus driver doesn't have a chance to chat with Ben.  It's not that I hide things from Ben [all the time], but I think I have a better way of phrasing things so he doesn't overreact.

Today's bus report was actually about Aliya.  Shocking, but true.  The bus driver told Ben that there was some discussion about a belly button between Aliya and a very nice 5th grade boy, I'll call him "Fabio."  I'm not sure how the belly button conversation began, but Aliya said that Fabio had a big belly button and someone asked how she knew and she said that she had touched it.

First of all, belly buttons are technically not in the much-discussed *private area.*  Second, Aliya demonstrated how she had poked Fabio in the belly, with his shirt down and covering said belly button.  Third, Fabio is a REALLY NICE BOY.  He's a 5th Grade Helper, for crying out loud.  The last time I saw him at his bus stop around the corner, he was wearing a flourescent orange bus patrol sash!

So the bus driver told Ben that she was going to have to tell Fabio's parents about the incident.  Ben has now instructed Aliya that she's not to sit with any boys, play with any boys at recess, look at any boys, and especially not to touch any boys' belly buttons.  Am I crazy or is this ridiculous?!?  I mean, just because she gave Fabio a Pillsbury Dough Boy poke in the belly, does that mean that she'll be forever on a quest for the most poke-able belly button, unable to resist the urge to poke?

Or maybe she'll become obsessed with her own belly button, and incorporate it into body art, and then wear revealing clothing to show it off.  COME ON PEOPLE!  IT'S A BELLY BUTTON!  Since when did poking one become a reportable offense??  Is this going on her permanent record??



 

Crown #6 of 7

A couple of weeks ago when I had my teeth cleaned, my dentist's insurance lady/business development manager mentioned that I had benefits left and suggested that I get started on one of the last two crowns I need (for now).  I made an appointment for mid-December so I had plenty of time to prepare myself for one of my least favorite tasks.  Last Friday the same insurance/business development lady called to say that since the insurance companies go by the "insertion date" (sounds more fun than it is, believe me), I should get the crown started sooner so it would be done by the end of the year.  She happened to have an opening today, giving me only 2 days to obsess about it.

I spent 2 1/2 hours in the dentist's chair today with Dr. Arora and her helpers.  The crown is on my back left bottom molar, so it was really hard for her to get in there and not slice my cheek open with the drill.  At one point they had so many instruments in my mouth - two mirrors pulling my cheek out, two of those flat things to protect my flesh, Mr. Thirsty, both of Dr. A's hands and half of her nose, the rubber thing you bite on to keep your mouth open, and a drill, I started to laugh.  I was really afraid that I was going to head off into hysteria, as I've been known to do.

As crowns go, this was a bad one.  The tooth had such a large filling that it ended up below my gumline by the time she cut off the remaining tooth and the filling.  At one point, Helper-Adam told me to "open," and then said, "Oh boy!  Give me Mr. Thirsty!"  Considering that I have fainted at the sight of blood before, that kind of reaction makes me a little uncomfortable.

I survived, although it was one of the most uncomfortable dental experiences I've had.  My jaw is really sore so hopefully Dr. Gensler can prod it back into shape when I go tomorrow for my spinal tune-up.
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T-R-O-U-B-L-E

Before I begin, let me state for the record that I have Aliya's permission to publish the following, since I don't think any moms of the boys on the list read this blog.  If you have kids that go to our school, Aliya requests that you not draw their attention to this entry.

So, last week at an evening event for school, I noticed that Aliya was hanging out with a certain boy with the initials JCO.  After the event she mentioned that he looks a lot like a boy she has had a crush on since she was 4 years old and they were on the same YMCA soccer team - J.A.  She was going on about J.C.O. so I asked if she liked him now, instead of J.A.  She thought for a moment and then proclaimed, "He's ON my list!"

"The List" is entitled, "boy's I have a crush on," and includes 13 names.  #12 has an added notation that he's in 5th grade!  Apparently the Drama Club is the place to meet *older boys*.  Some of the names have Xs next to them but they're in pencil so they can be removed and rewritten as needed.

Tonight Aliya brought me a note that she wrote to J.A. (J.C.O. currently has an X), and she asked for my advice.  The note says, "Dear J**** I now I have always acted like I heat you but the trooth is I have a big crush on you.  And I keep hearing from diferent peaple that you told them you have a crush on me.  So pleas dont get mad and crumple the paper just tell me if you realy do like me."

Awwwww...

My advice was a) she should rewrite the note so it's not so messy, and b) I wouldn't reveal my crush upfront.  When she was agonizing about whether to give him the note or not, and how she was going to catch him alone as he came out of the boys' bathroom, I said, "Why don't I just write him a note?"  I meant it as an incentive for her to stop dilly-dallying and either do it or don't.

Well, she thought it was a pretty good idea!  She said to make sure I include her full name since there are other Aliyas at other schools, and that I should say "from Lori G / Aliya's mother," not "Love, Lori" (my trademark signature since junior high).

I don't think she has made the final decision on what her plan is going to be, but I'm glad she hasn't reached the age of parental disdain because then I wouldn't have this picture for posterity.  I just love how she decorated the envelope with math problems!

Random Moments

Just a few random moments from the last 24 hours...

I was trying to get Adlani to admit to something that allegedly happened in the boys' bathroom so during my interrogation I told him that I would be reviewing the security camera footage from the bathroom.  He sang like a canary.  Aliya was listening in, and during breakfast she kept asking questions about the security camera.  I asked her, "Is there something you want to tell me?"  She said, "Well, one time I flushed the toilet and water came out of a pipe."

Yesterday, our VP of Commercial Sales (my boss' boss' boss) left a comment on my work blog.  It said, "Lori….great site…..it is clear to me that you spend a significant amount of time and effort keeping this site up to date and relevant for a broad audience. Keep up the great work!!!!!!"

Last night I watched a Youtube video on how to light the pilot light on our gas fireplace, and I was able to light it on the first try (a few weeks ago I gave up after trying to get it lit for 10 minutes).

A few minutes before we were due to leave the house this morning, I walked into the dining room just in time to see Adlani spinning his glass of milk and then the entire glass dumped down the front of him and all over the floor.

When I walked into Norah's preschool today I heard her teacher say, "Uh-oh!  Somebody lost something!"  There was a big turd on the floor outside the bathroom.

When I was talking to two friends who are also school administrators about Adlani's latest issue at school (exposing himself to a friend in the bathroom), one of the administrators said, "Oh yeah...my son did that on the bus."  On the bus??  I feel better!

Norah has been having a hard time following the rules at school so this morning I gave her a stern talking-to when I dropped her off.  After school I asked her how the day went and of course she said that she followed all the rules and didn't get into any trouble.  I said that I was going to call her teacher and asked if there was anything she wanted to tell me first, and she said, "I did NOT poke Gordon in the eye, and I did NOT push Nicolas."

Aliya got off the bus this afternoon (Friday at 3:45) and said that something was dangling off her braces.  We rushed to the dentist's office and they patched her up even though they were closing for the weekend.  Dr. B ROCKS!

This cracked me up:  http://dontjudgemyhair.com/2009/08/03/bad-hair-two-tone-combover/, especially the comment.

Ben just took the kids to the Y for free swim, and I'm going to take a 1-hour nap so I can enjoy my alone-time later. I am starting the weekend with a clean house, a clean car, and all of the laundry done.  Maybe I'll actually be able to get past the bare-minimum cleaning and maintenance to some of the bigger items on my to-do list this weekend.
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Poor Moose

http://nowthatsnifty.blogspot.com/2009/11/short-story-about-moose.html
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8 Crazy Stories From the E.R.

Read this, but not while you're eating:

http://www.dailystrength.org/experts/dr-orrange/article/8-crazy-stories-from-the-er
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Digging Out

I honestly feel like just about every day I take 3 steps forward and 10-15 steps back.  I get a few things done and add a bunch more to the list.  How can I possibly make any progress?  I have said no to some requests lately, and I have sat on my hands when the call went out for volunteers.  It's hard, but at this point I really have no choice.  I AM NOT SUPERWOMAN!!!  I CAN NOT DO IT ALL!!!

I have to focus on the positive or I will go insane.  Baby steps.  Today I had my car cleaned, which meant that I had to empty all the junk out of it.  Tomorrow the house will be professionally cleaned, which means I have to put all the junk away.  By tomorrow night I'll be celebrating the fact that I am surrounded by cleanliness, at least until the kids wake up Saturday morning.

Last weekend I decided to make a concentrated effort to get rid of some of the piles.  I had SO MUCH STUFF that was on its way to somewhere else, and it was driving me crazy.  This week my goal was to get rid of one item from that pile each day, and I did way better than that:
a) I returned a down comforter, a pair of socks, ice skates, a too-small hockey helmet, a pair of shoes, and an iPod dock - $255 back in my pocket.
b) I returned 6 defective water bottles to Old Navy (the paint peeled off), got a credit for $31, and spent that plus my $20 coupon on kids clothes that were an additional 50% off the clearance price, including Christmas-photo outfits for less than $10 each.
c) I mailed out a fleece that we accidentally brought home from mother/daughter weekend and my camera that needs to be repaired (under warranty because I didn't procrastinate!).
d) I donated a bag of books to the library for their book sale (drop them off any time in the alcove next to the Costin Room), and 3 bags of winter coats and snowpants to Pathways (Thursday night is drop-off night for donations).
e) I organized Ben's clothes and threw away the super-holey stuff (don't tell him).
f) I asked the kids' teachers whether they could use certain items I unearthed, and sent them to school.
g) I cleaned out my wallet and got rid of all the receipts and garbage.
h) And last but not least, I found a permanent home for the panic device that I took on vacation, and got it out of the garage. 

This weekend we're tackling the playroom, and next week I'm going to paint some of walls and trim that we painted 10 years ago.  Baby steps.

I am not Superwoman.
I am not Superwoman.
I am NOT SUPERWOMAN!!!!!!!!!
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Mary Imogene Basset Hospital

This morning I was talking to the facility manager from Bassett Hospital about my favorite work-related topic, fire door inspection.  His facility has a plan in place and I'm hoping to use some of their ideas in the pilot program I'm creating for Beth Israel.  When I found out that Bassett Hospital was in Cooperstown, New York, I said, "I think I was born in that hospital!  How many hospitals do you have in Cooperstown?"  Just one.  What a coincidence!

I happen to have the receipt my mother got after paying for my birth...the stars were aligned today and somehow I actually found it without looking very hard.  At first I got a little freaked out since it was dated in April of 1967 (my birthday is in August), but it was a prepayment.

Total Amount:  $25!  

Since my father was in the Army, all of the expenses were covered by the Army - except for food.  Isn't that crazy?  Why wouldn't they cover food?  Anyway, she paid 25 bucks and she got me.  What a bargain!
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Adlani

We had Adlani's parent-teacher conference last week and luckily his teacher hasn't given up hope on him (yet).  She is trying various strategies to get him to finish his work, and is hoping that good behavior will follow.  I'm not quite as patient.  I don't know why he can't just FOLLOW THE RULES!!!  We were obviously spoiled by Aliya.

1) He fibs. (I am only using this word because Viviana gets mad at me when I say bad things - which happen to be true - about Adlani.)  This morning I asked him if he had socks on. (Why should I even have to ask him this question?!)  He said, "Yes."  When I saw bare ankle peeking out of his pant leg at the bus stop, I realized that he DID NOT have socks on.  A couple of weeks ago the school nurse told me that he had come to her because he has a plantars wart and was not wearing socks then either!  What kind of mother am I?!  Don't answer that.

2) He uses bathroom words.  Aliya went through a potty-talk phase too, but I think she was around 3.  His teacher told us that he says "butt," "poopy," etc. at school to get a laugh.  He's not getting laughs at home and he's still using them.  The other day I yelled at him for saying "poopy" and he started the indignant cry and went on and on, wailing that he didn't say poopy.  I said, "OK...what did you say?"  Adlani:  "Boobie?"  Me:  "BOOBIE IS ON THE BAD LIST TOO!!!"

3) He tries to spell swear words since he can't say them.  He has recently realized that people spell things they don't want to say out loud and somehow he figured out how to spell A-S-S.  He got in trouble for that (at home), and a few minutes later I heard him say to Aliya, "I'm gonna kick you in the O-S-O."  I asked him what that meant and he said, "I'm gonna kick you in the bear."  Oso is the Spanish word for bear.  Maybe I should just be grateful that he's learning to read.

4) He's sneaky.  Over the weekend I told him about 10 times that he needed to clean up his room.  Last night I finally lost it and decided to follow through on my threats of picking up everything left on the floor and putting it in "Toy Timeout."  In the process, I realized that he had shoved EVERYTHING under his train table, so all of that went into Toy Timeout too.  I now have 3 king-sized pillow cases full of stuff for him to earn back.  Judging by his ability to control his actions, I think I should probably just pack it up for the spring yardsale.

5) I don't know what goes on in his head but it doesn't resemble logical thought.  Last night our neighbor said she liked his milk mustache and he ran off to the mirror to look at it.  He came back to the table and said, "I'm going to make myself a milk beard!" and poured the milk straight down his chin.  WTF?!?

I'm really getting worn out.  1-2-3 Magic worked for a while, but it's losing its effectiveness.  Last night I heard him say, "One...two...don't MAKE me get to three!"  Yes, I do realize that this is all my fault.

The newest habit that's driving me toward the liquor cabinet is the constant singing.  He does it at school too, and his teacher is using it to help him learn to read.  Again - patience that I just don't have.  Since Adlani and Aliya are both in the Drama Club which is rehearsing for a production of Seussical, he and Aliya are constantly singing the songs.  Even Norah knows them.  I like music and I don't want to stifle their passion but how many times can one hear Solla Sollew before jumping off a bridge?!

This morning at breakfast I asked them at least 10 times to stop singing so they could answer my questions about what they wanted for breakfast, snack, etc.  After the 10th time I was so exasperated, I asked Aliya, "Do you ever notice that I go out to a lot of PTO meetings, Zumba, and computer classes at night?"  Aliya:  "Ye-es."  Me:  "Why do you think that is?!"  Aliya: "Because we're so annoying?"

Bingo.  The picture at right is Adlani's "singing face"...at least he'll have an alternative to soccer.
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Good Neighbors

Sometimes I think about moving away from the 'Ham.  I really don't know the source of my discontent, but when I travel somewhere else I sometimes fantasize about moving there.  It happened again when I went to Vermont a couple of weeks ago.

I think what I really want is to SIMPLIFY my life.  I need to do less and relax more.  I need to finish the decluttering I started 2 years ago and find a place for everything we own instead of just moving the piles.  I need to say "NO!" and really mean it.  That's my downfall, though.  I can't do it.

So now that I've gone all philosophical on you, what this post was going to be about was what great neighbors we have.  How can I even think about moving and leaving our awesome neighbors behind?  What if our new neighbors let their dogs poop on our lawn?  Or build a shantytown in their back yard for their extended family?  Or play their New Kids on the Block CD repeatedly at full volume?

Today Ben spent several hours raking wet leaves because the town is doing a pick-up tomorrow.  Our neighbor Nancy was raking too, and at some point Bob, the son-in-law of our other neighbor, offered to take a load to the leaf dump so they wouldn't have to bag all of the leaves.  He estimated that the gigantic pile they loaded into his truck was about 100 bags worth.

To thank Bob & Ben, Nancy got dinner from the Chicken Bone and brought it over to our house.  It was GREAT!  We had wings, fries, rice, and I made tomato salad and dessert.  Sherry and I used to hang out at the Chicken Bone in Burlington, Vermont, and it became the scene of many (somewhat blurry) memories...we'll definitely be visiting our new Chicken Bone again.  YUM!
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Emails From Crazy People

I found a blog this week that has some pretty funny posts - emailsfromcrazypeople.com.
These cracked me up:
http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/07/28/no-pets-clause/#more-65
http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/07/31/everyone-loves-a-party/#more-149
http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/08/25/let-me-explain/
http://emailsfromcrazypeople.com/2009/09/02/parent-teacher-conference-should-be-hilarious/

Coincidentally, I received an email today regarding a problem someone had while installing a lockset.  I don't know why the new homeowner sent it to me along with about 20 of our top brass, but the email is 690 WORDS LONG.  I'm not saying he's a crazy person, but wow.  My favorite part was when he said that because he had to hire a locksmith he didn't have any money left for the celebratory dinner out that he had planned, and was eating a cold turkey sandwich instead. 

I actually thought about calling the guy to walk him through the installation, since he included his name, address, and phone number, but I figured our CEO probably already had it covered.
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Friday Night

If you don't have a hot date for this Friday night (11/13) and you live within driving distance of the 'Ham, come on over to the Barnes & Noble in Shoppers World. Blocks Preschool is having a fundraiser with tons of special events. You can shop from 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. and tell the cashier that you're shopping to benefit Blocks, and a percentage of your purchase (not including gift cards) will be donated to the school. You shouldn't need the official number, but just in case, it's 10041853.

The special events begin at 4 p.m. and will include face painting, a sing-a-long, storytime with Rosie Alvarez-O'Neil (Blocks principal), and a visit from the Cat in the Hat.  (I guess it probably won't be THIS cat in THIS hat, but it IS a cute photo, isn't it?)

If you don't live nearby, you can still shop for Blocks!  Just go to www.bn.com/mybookfair between 11/13 and 11/18, and enter bookfair ID #10041853 on the payment page during checkout.  

I hope to see you there!!

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Don't Drink and Ride

Boston Subway Driver Braked to Avoid Hitting
Woman Who Fell on Tracks
Tuesday, November 10, 2009

BOSTON — The driver of Boston subway train that came to a screeching halt just before hitting a woman who had fallen onto the tracks has been hailed as a hero.

Charice Lewis got a radio call from fellow Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority employee Jacqueline Osorio, who was standing on the platform at North Station on Friday night when she saw the woman tumble.

Lewis, who saw passengers on the platform frantically waving their arms, immediately tugged the emergency brake.

The woman, whose name was not made public, suffered some scrapes and was taken to a hospital for evaluation. She told authorities she had been drinking.

Lewis and Osorio were recognized by state Transportation Secretary Jeffrey Mullan on Monday and received a call of congratulations from Gov. Deval Patrick.

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These cracked me up...

(I'm easily amused.)

 

http://probablybadnews.com/2009/11/06/funny-news-headlines-those-canadians-and-their-flashlights/

http://probablybadnews.com/2009/11/10/funny-news-headlines-the-dog-gets-quite-jealous/

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Fast Forward 50 Years

Click on the arrow to play.  Just do it.

Beer Bottle 911 Call sound bite  911 Calls sound bites

'Tis The Season

For the 5th year, I'll be organizing the Pathways Family Shelter Holiday Gift Drive.  Pathways is a shelter in the 'Ham that provides temporary housing for 14 families, and also offers ongoing support for families who have moved to permanent housing.

Due to the support of my friends, coworkers, and family members, in past years we have been able to provide Christmas gifts and stocking stuffers for all of the children living at Pathways, as well as gift cards and small gifts for their parents.  Last year the participation was so generous that we were able to provide gifts for other families in need in addition to the current shelter residents.

I received the wish list for the children currently living at Pathways today.  If you are local and would like to sponsor a child or children, let me know and I'll add you to the evite list.  Sponsorship typically includes one gift ($20-$30) and some stocking stuffers for the child you are matched with.  If you are not local and would like to help, we are in need of $20 Target gift cards to include with the parents' gifts.  Your donation is tax deductible and I will provide you with a receipt from Pathways.

Let the holiday season begin!!!
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